When you don't feel good enough...

As a mom we feel, or at least I do, feel a tremendous amount of pressure to keep everyone happy. 

Like everyone relies on you to keep them fed, burped, clean, played with, and smiling. Sometimes you have those days when no matter what you do you can't make everyone happy. You can never be good enough.

Like no matter how many puzzles you put together, toys castles you build, or snacks you make its not going to be enough for a needy toddler. Or no matter how many times you sing rock or nurse its not going to be enough for a baby. And no matter how many times you clean the kitchen or start a load of laundry is still not going to be enough to make your house presentable. No matter how hard you try your just not going to be good enough today.

Days like that, like yesterday are more than just physically draining...They're exhausting, physically and emotionally!

I could sit here and list off everything that went wrong to make yesterday worth a good long 45 min cry,  but I'll spare you the details. The long day left me feeling so helpless. How was I supposed to keep my head above water when I could old barely swim.
I felt like I could never, ever be good enough for this job of motherhood. That I would never be that Supermom. That mom that does fun, educational activities with her kids daily, breastfeed like a champ, keeps her house perfect and organized and somehow still finds the time to get 3 healthy meals for growing kids on the table.
I would never be her. 

When I think back when I was little I don't ever remember feeling like mom wasn't good enough.  In fact, She was more than good enough. I remember the taste of her sugar cookies we would make together. I remember how high she would push is in the swing and what it felt like to snuggle on her bed and just talk. I can't remember messy kitchens, unmade beds, unfolded laundry, or a un-showered mom, which I'm sure that happened sometimes as it does to everyone. But my mom was Supermom to me. She was good enough to my sibling and me and that's all that mattered.

We have to get this idea of a Supermom out of our vocabulary because the reality is we will never be that. And if we keep that image in our heads of that Supermom and keep thinking that we couldn't possible be good enough unless we are just like her, than we are setting ourselves up to fail. Because that mirage is impossible.

So today instead of being frustrated that  I didn't get my kitchen cleaned, laundry folded, beds made and I'm barely dressed by ten.

I'll look at the messy kitchen and think about how I got up and fixed a toddler breakfast at 6 and did puzzles with her instead of going back to bed. I'll look at the never ending pile of laundry and think about how I watched my toddler smile while I read books with her and rocked a baby till her little hearts content instead of folding the laundry. I'll look at the unmade beds and think of how many times I got up last night to chase the bad dreams away from my 2 year old or ran to pick up a crying baby.

And then I'll look at myself in the mirror. I'll see the puffy dark circles under my eyes, my unwashed messy hair, the baby barf and breast milk all over my shirt and the syrup on my pants and think "Man I'm good enough."